December
by Christine Writer
Summary: Jess' POV; "Back to December" songfic. ONESHOT! R&R!


A/N: Jess' point of view; "Back to December" by Taylor Swift. I OWN NEITHER!

_I'm so glad you made time to see me_

_How's life? Tell me how's your family?_

_I haven't seen them in a while..._

Jess had been out of touch with everyone in Stars Hollow, but especially with Lorelai. He knew that she hated him for leaving Rory right before graduation. For breaking her heart. For existing at all.

_You've been good_

_Busier than ever_

_Small talk, work and the weather_

_Your guard is up and I know why..._

Jess hated talking about the weather, and inane topics like work and school. However, to be talking about anything at all with Rory was a miracle in his book.

_Because the last time you saw me is still burned in the back of your mind._

_You gave me roses, and I left them there to die..._

Rory had given Jess flowers for their two month anniversary. He had protested that the guy bought flowers, but she insisted that he could be inspired by them to write a poem.

_So this is me swallowing my pride _

_Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night..._

_And I go back to December all the time._

He replayed his own stupidity over and over in his mind. He had to apologize for saying "I love you" and running away like he had. Rory had not only felt the December cold that night, but his own coldness, in a way, of dumping that on her and running.

_It turns out freedom is nothing but missing you, _

_Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine_

_I go back to December, turn around and make it all right,_

_I go back to December all the time_

He had wanted freedom from Stars Hollow, but it came with a price: it came without Rory. He had had such a wonderful life with her in it.

_These days, I haven't been sleeping_

_Staying up, playing back myself leaving_

_When your birthday passed, and I didn't call..._

The October after Rory's graduation, he tried to call her a hundred times, but couldn't finish dialing the number. He figured she would be busy with school and new friends.

_Then I think about summer, and the beautiful time_

_I watched you laughing from the passenger side_

In the late spring of junior year, as the days were inching towards summer, they had gone for ice cream in Rory's car. A perfect evening that had ended so horribly.

_And realized I loved you in the fall..._

After the dance marathon, he had realized that he really cared for Rory.

_And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind_

Jess had let Dean get the better of him with words of fear without anything to substantiate them.

_You gave me all your love, and all I gave you was goodbye..._

And then he had just taken off, without a word. He didn't even offer her a goodbye. He had wanted to, on the bus that morning, but he knew if he said it, he would never leave. It was too painful.

_I miss your pale skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right..._

_And how you held me in your arms that November night _

_The first time you ever saw me cry..._

Jess had been describing to Rory his past, and the mistakes he had made. He cried when he was telling her about how he had messed up his mother's life. Rory had comforted and soothed him, telling him that everything would be okay.

_Maybe this is wishful thinking..._

_Probably mindless dreaming, _

_But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right..._

If Rory gave him a second chance, he wouldn't waste it.

_I'd go back in time and change it but I can't._

_So if the chain is on your door, I understand._

He had realized as he went to see Rory this time, that he had to accept whatever she said, good or bad. It wasn't fair to her to ask for anything more.

_This is me swallowing my pride,_

_Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night..._

_And I go back to December..._

_It turns out freedom is nothing but missing you,_

_Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine..._

_I go back to December, turn around and make it all right..._

_I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind..._

If given the choice, he would go back to that night, and instead of running, he would wrap her in his arms and hold her until she knew that he wasn't going anywhere. Until she knew how to trust him again.

_I go back to December all the time..._

As he stood before her, explaining all of the things he had failed to do for her, and all of the thoughts that had come through his mind since he'd seen her last, he hoped that somehow, there was another chance. And as he saw her slowly smile, and slip her arms around him, inviting him to embrace her, he knew that this was it.


End file.
